Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Floor bacon is actually really good
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
