All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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