we have pet lesbian snakes
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
