He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
