I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
