how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
