Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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