He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex