true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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