Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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