I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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