I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
