someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just gargled with NyQuil
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
