dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
