Midget sex pt 2 tonight
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
