i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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