I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
