so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
