he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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