Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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