Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
