I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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