There was a lot of him and a little penis
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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