guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize