we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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