I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
