I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
