so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
