I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
