Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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