i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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