If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
