I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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