Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
