The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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