worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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