he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
bring money and cleavage
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
