the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Walk of Shame today included voting.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
