I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
