I can text with my tongue
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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