If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
