I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
