on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
