they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
