he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
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I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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