I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
