I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
