wanna go halves on a baby?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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