Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
