he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
