Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
