Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
