I must be too annoying 4 u.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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