I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
