His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
