the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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