we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
