I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
