If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
