I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
