He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
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when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
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Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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