I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
