I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
