Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
