I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
