Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
