The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
