I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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