D3 body, D1 cock
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
pop tarts are not kleenex
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
