note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
