My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
