I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
