Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
