So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I didn't notice because vodka
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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