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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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