I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
