living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
