Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
