Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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