the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Two words: blizzard sex
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
