I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Small penises have feelings too.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
