i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
