Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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