no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
