If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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