from now on my penis is your penis
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
