I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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