i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
